The Journey

PROLOGUE

I was alive. I am dead.

I am officially dead on this planet. Just moments earlier, I had been contemplating my own death. And now that I was really dead, this was hard to accept.

The guy in the black tuxedo… was he dead? Why did he have to go to Delhi so urgently? Why did he choose me? Was the whole thing a figment of my imagination? Or was it destiny? Was I dreaming? Or maybe I was dead. All these were a blur in my mind as I went numb in shock. Suddenly I was brought back to reality by a sharp voice.

“Would you like to have another coffee?”

I saw the waiter look at me with earnest eyes. Is he dead too? Is this what you call as afterlife? I realized that they have Café Coffee Day in heaven too. I stared at him. He looked quite normal, I could not see any angelic halo around his head nor did he wear any of those fancy dresses which we often associate with the concept of heaven…

“Sir, Would you like to have another coffee? Or a cup of tea?”

“Uh… Can I get a glass of water please? And please get the bill.”

The glass of chilled water calmed me down. I was still sitting at the Café in the airport. All around me people were crowding around the large LCD TV on the wall dishing out the breaking news.

The news of death.

“Latest news comes in from Kolkata about the crash of PAN India Flight Number 73 flying from Kolkata to Delhi. All 103 on board the ill fated aircraft are believed to be dead. Unconfirmed reports say that among the dead is the son of noted industrialist Aditya Gupta… ”

The news of my death.

"If we did not die, if our existence did not unravel in the endless darkness of death, would life be quite so precious, so extraordinary, so moving?", asked Andre Comte-Sponville.

To be continued.

Book Review: Oh Shit.. Not Again!

I love reading books but this is the first time I am reviewing a book. And what a start!

'Oh shit Not Again' is a book not to be missed! And yeah, I seriously mean it.

OSNA is a debut book by Mandar Kokate. The cover says "Mandar kokate is Civil engineer and has graduated from Pravara Rural engineering college, Loni. He is also a diploma holder from Sou. Venutai Chavan poly.Pune. He has done his schooling from Seth Dagduram Katariya High school, Pune. Now he is a full time writer"

As you must have guessed, it is another book from the many wannabe Chetan Bhagats. But in this case, the author really missed the mark, by a wide wide margin! Mandar tries hard to be an author, often by using unnecessarily big words. I often wondered if he was really preparing hard for GRE vocab while writing the book! The writing is crass, with no sentence logic. He starts describing the uninteresting plot in the most mundane way. The jokes (which seemed to be the highlight of the book from the back cover) have been killed by the insipid writing.

Sample these:

Five table are aligned, and mounted with steel glasses. They are to be knocked down with these five artificial balls.

Artificial balls ??? Now I know only 1 type of 'natural' balls !! lol :D :D

All five aunties were forcing the curved white fruit into their mouth.

ughhhh!!!!

"What if someone impedes me from taking them? "

"I was going to come in quest of you! "

Now who talks like this?

the dusty room was transformed into a beautiful leaving.

beautiful leaving?

A fan was running at a high speed, dispersing the large volume of carbon dioxide that was emerging out of the lungs resting behind the fat tummies of the policemen.

How imaginative !!!

Each time she bowed down to pick up an onion, an extremely beautiful, abyssal, thin valley sandwiched between her soft mountains pleased my eyes.

Crass!

Mandar tries hard to spice up the story by filling it with sexual innuendoes. Big boobs aunties, sexy gals, lecherous uncles, horny guys, you find them all. At times, it felt that I was going through some cheap erotic novel. The publication thought it wise not to edit the book in any way. It is full of spelling and grammatical mistakes (yeah!)

Have you ever heard the usage of "teeths"?? lol

To conclude, this is the worst fiction I have read. Think of this book as the "Shaitani Dracula" of the literary world. (If you are wondering what that is, youtube it!)

I suggest you read the book atleast once. Do not buy the book, convince your friend to buy it ;)

And then see the fireworks when he reads it.

P.S - A post after a really really long time.

P.S - I am seriously considering writing a book. If Mandar Kokate can do it, so can I !