Getting Committed

Recently I have been afflicted with a strange illness. Let's call it "i-don’t-want-to-remain-single-anymore-get-me-a-girlfriend-quick" syndrome.

I want to change my status in Social Networking sites to "committed"! But for that, I first need to get committed to a girl. I am calling it a sickness, because this is just a temporary phase, and this miserable feeling of being single would go away soon, I am sure! Right now, all I want is someone whom I would be able to call my girlfriend!

 

Now studying at a college with a negligible female population, what sources do I have to get committed? Now in India, the game of 'Have-You-Met-Ted' will not work, and I am not smart enough to just walk upto any girl and say ‘Hi! Have we met before?’ Practically speaking, it is impossible to talk to any girl out there on the street. We always hear of stories like - "You heard of X? He just found his love at the mall! And now they are dating ..." These fantastic stories only take place in people's fantasies... I have never heard anyone finding their love in a mall! Also, I don’t want to get into a long-distance-relationship, so all ex-schoolmates are removed from the potential list.

So now I am at an alien city, and I have to find the girl of my dreams among the thousands of girls in the city. To start with, I turn to our faithful friend Orkut. I start trawling Orkut for potential matches... but hit roadblocks at every corner. I can't understand why the hell girls can't put up their own pic, atleast in their display photo!!! Girls... please understand, no one is going to morph your tiny display pic into the next big sex scandal of the country! Now the next roadblock - age. Why the hell cant girls put up their age? Next checkpoint - which year in college. Now I have a rule - I will only get into a relationship with a girl, who is in the same year of college as I am. Again, I can never understand why girls can’t just fill out these details in the professional section. But this is taken care of pretty easily... by just going through their communities, it can be found out. Not if they are member of some few odd hundreds of communities!!!

So after spending some time and going through about hundred profiles, I am able to find one or two profiles, which match all the criteria. Now the next big question - What reason do I have to send them a friend request? And how do I make my friend request different from the tens of requests they must be recieving everyday? The answer is nothing can be done. :( 

So eating all shame, and reaching the lowly depths of desperatism (being a desperado) in orkut, keeping no difference between me and the other LoverBoys of Orkut (No, seriously, there is a whole community of these guys out there whose only motive is to send 1000 fraandship requsts to every girl in orkut), I finally send you the friend request! Now I pray I don’t get swept like all those Loverboys of Orkut, and you can see the genuineness of my friend request ! 

More often than not, I get accepted. Now I start chatting, or rather scrapping. It usually goes something like this:

Me: Hi!!! Thanks for accepting my frnd request! How are you?  :)

(wOw !! She is totally into me now!!! This is the girl for me!! Thank you goD!!! )

You: Hi ! me fyn. 

(oh shit. Another moron who want frandsheep)

Me: Oh great :) So what do you do ?

(I already know all about you from your communities.. just answer fast and let us move on ... )

You: 2nd year, blah blah branch, glug-glag college. What do you do ?

(Seriously, one more stupid question and I get this moron out of my list)

Me: I am a 2nd year student of geophysics at IISER Kolkata. 

(smiling)

You: Ohh gr88.. so a scientist eh ?

(Ha.. Moron claims to be a scientist ! )

Me: Yeah, sort of .. Let me tell you one thing.. You look really beautiful in that pic of yours.

(I am totally in love with you dear!!! I think I am going to propose to you in the next few scraps)

You:   :-)

(What a jerk !!!)

Now you have sent the classic conversation stopper, the smiley. Now what the hell do I reply to that? More smileyes?? "lols" ?? ":D :D :D" ?? Or another question and make the whole conversation look like an interview ? 

This is usually how things progress at my end. However, there have been exceptions, where I could chat upto 2-3 days with the same girl. A few times I have even got to the point of calling them up and chatting on the phone. In even rarer cases, I have met with them. But every time, I have made blunders, which have been totally successful in keeping me blissfully single till date! 

More on that later. 

"The love that lasts longest is the love that is never returned" - Somerset Maugham